Well it's official, Scott and I had our first fight the other day. It has affected me a lot more than I could imagine. I have been just hanging in there with everything that has been going on and what seemed like unwavering support from Scott has kept me from going absolutely insane. I feel so defeated right now...I keep crying. It seems like everything is against us. When are things going to turn up for us??
Our fight was about money and the bad decisions that have led to us being in the predicament we are in right now. Scott for the first time said out loud that he blames me for a lot of the financial problems. He said he resents me for having the RV--"Why couldn't you have just said no to him (Tom)!!" He also feels like I am most to blame for our current problem with losing our earnest money ($5000) from the botched house purchase. Afterall although he agreed to the purchase--he was against it at first because it was an older house that needed work. My insecurities have me paranoid that his resentment is just building to make him fall out of love with me. I get so frustrated at myself for being so paranoid. I know it's from 7 years of emotional abuse, but will those scars ever heal?
I think I wouldn't feel so hopeless if I could somehow see an end to this all. We keep saving like mad and it just is never going to be enough to buy a house out here. There is nothing on the market in our price range. We aren't even close to having enough to buy. It seems like everything is so overpriced. We could save and save for the next few years and still not have enough. Scott doesn't want to consider having kids until we are settled, but when will that ever be. I absolutely feel hopeless. The builder that was maybe our light at the end of the tunnel has not returned any of my phone calls.
Anyway...hoping things get better.
Heather
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3 comments:
I think I like this blog stuff, I can keep track of all of you a little better. Disagreements are inevitable with males and females, I think, and difficult finances are one of the main reasons they happen. Constant stress makes that even more likely. You're trying to sell the RV, right? Try to be extra focused on Scott after a disagreement. The love is still under there, and it will come out again soon.
Love you both,
Mom
Oh Heather- It is always so sad once the first fight happens. I am sorry! :( I know Scott still loves you and you love him. Try to trust him and know that he is nothing like Tom. I hope that you and Scott can be open with each other and not let things build to the point of frustration again. It is hard to say anything negative to the one you love. Just remember "this too shall pass". You won't always live with his mom or be in this financial situation. It's just so hard when you are deep in the middle of it to see the light at the end of the tunnel.Hang in there and love each other! We love you guys.
Steph
So, I just wanted to get on and say... I LOVE YOU! I'm sorry about all that you are going through. I know I'm still young and haven't been through half the things other people have, but I can definitely empathize. I really don't have much else to say I just thought you should know that I love you and miss you and hope you're doing okay with everything on your plate. Scott will always love you no matter what... and so will we!!! You're amazing!
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